i’ve been agonizing over how to get into my characters’ heads.  after all, they’re all me, different projections of me, and most of these have been externalized over the years so i don’t have to feel the ugly emotions they’re capable of.  which is why judy is anesthetized.  judy is supposed to be me, that is, the eldest daughter, and so she’s supposed to be autobiographical.  but all the characters are autobiography.  and it’s obvious to everyone except me, so it hit me like duh this afternoon that when i come to write mom, i need to write myself as mom, and when i need to write judy, i can take my kid as model.  i don’t have to reach to feel the righteous indignation of a mother wronged, and i don’t have to remember my teenage self to write  judy throwing a fit and getting all offended.

if i’m going to have feds i’m going to have more characters.  two federal agents.  i already have the truck driver employee of cindy’s husband.  i’m going to have the owner of a strip club, there’s an innocent bystander or two.  this could get difficult.

judy writes an ode to a fucked up dog, where she figures death is a release, and leaves it stuck in some book.  later the dog is found dead of xylitol poisoning and judy is blamed.

i’ve almost figured out that the youngest son’s name is gordon.  it’s a good name for a conman.  here’s the kabalarian take on it:

  • Your first name of Gordon makes you spontaneous and versatile, enjoying congenial association, appreciating the finer things of life, and loving to talk and debate.
  • You are strong willed and self-sufficient, not depending on others for encouragement.
  • Your desire for independence and freedom means that you seldom tolerate limitations
  • While the name Gordon creates the urge to be self-expressive and happy, we emphasize that it causes a blunt, sarcastic expression that spoils friendships.
  • This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver, bloodstream, and tension or accidents to the head.

gordon is at this point going to decide to kill his brother rick when he finds out he’s been sleeping with his girlfriend laurie.  and rick is going to decide to kill cindy because she’s sleeping with his wife name.  i’m not sure it’s going to end up like this.  there are so many to kill, and fratricide is not the only option.

Fratricide (from the Latin word frater, meaning: “brother” and cide meaning to kill) is the act of a person killing his or her brother.

Related concepts are sororicide (the killing of one’s sister), child murder (the killing of an unrelated child), infanticide (the killing of a child under the age of one year), filicide (the killing of one’s child), patricide (the killing of one’s father), matricide (the killing of one’s mother), mariticide (the killing of one’s husband) and uxoricide (the killing of one’s wife). See also siblicide

siblicide.  that’s what we’re dealing with.  do the siblings kill each other exclusively, or is there a round robin between siblings and spice?

judy, of course, is the only one who doesn’t kill anyone.  well, i don’t guess mom kills anyone, or allen.  but even judy’s laid back, peaceful husband kills someone.  he even tries to kill mom.  and then he collapses and his secrets are revealed in the ICU, and he comes home only to die because of an experiment he and judy decide to run, and she gets blamed.  but i have to figure out who judy’s husband kills.  as well as who everyone else kills and how they die at whose hands.  it’s already too complicated.  and i’ve only got another week or so before i have to start writing.

but i’m really glad i figured out how to write mom.  i won’t be writing actual mom at all, and i’ll be projecting all of the siblings’ attitudes.  they won’t recognize themselves for the portrait of me they’ll find.  it’ll be great.


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